Is you crushing on anyone online?

A little something something to entertain myself and chase away the Monday blues... plus hopefully spark some serious commenting on this blog? Dunwanna turn into a bimbo blog... but the subject I'm blogging about is so... bimboistic!

Anyways, I found this cute post about having a crush on a blogger... and wondered... is it possible? (FYI, the definition of a blogger crush = having a crush on a fellow blogger.)

I guess it is gua... since having a blogger crush would be like having a celebrity crush (whether the blogger is famous or not).

Since having a crush is defined as a "temporary romantic attraction", I'm curious to find out... what would make you have a crush on a blogger? Is it the way he/she writes? Or would it be because of the many many pictures that some bloggers post? Or is it something else? Does the relative anonymity of a blog make it easier or harder? Or is physical presence/contact required for a crush to develop? And the billion dollah question... do you/did you have a crush on a fellow blogger? (Of course, this post would have much more responses if my blog were more widely read. LOL.)

Okay-lah, to make this a more interesting Monday post, I will say that I did (past tense! past tense!) have a crush before on a guy who had his own website (no, I'm not linking it here for you all to go "pat" at). If you ask me now what was it I liked so much about him I would have to say it was mostly because of his writings - they were serious, heartfelt, indepth and personal. All about emotions la. So I got carried away with the writer in him lor. (I have to add a caveat that I know this fella IRL by sight and through a friend of a friend of a friend link. Hah, but he didn't know I stalked his website! And he doesn't know I blog. LOL. Considered blogger crush or not? *wink*)

I wonder whether anyone will comment on this post or not?

p.s. Er, with posting this post I've just scuppered all my chances of people thinking I'm normal at this Saturday's blogger tea party, rite? Rite? Lawl.

p.p.s. Can I blame this post on listening to too much Josh Groban on auto-repeat? *grin*

Being punctual is not a fault!

I am extremely upset with certain people. Pray tell me, how can this lateness factor be simply laughed away? (For a better understanding of why I rant, please read the post at the link above before continuing.)

Just now at 9.20am in the midst of conversation about Saturday's trip, VW said this to me...

"You know ah, next time, you shouldn't be so early one. When you're going out with my friends, you must understand that they're older and not likely to be on time. We have this understanding that the meeting time is not fixed in stone and you should just find a nearby coffeeshop or something, have a teh tarik and chill out while waiting. Don't wait at the specified meeting point. That way you won't get so agitated while waiting or if there's a delay. And there's always a delay, knowing them. Some more it's a weekend kind of expedition, no need to be so on time one. We should take it easy and enjoy la."

Note: All the bolded emphasis is mine.

What the (@&#*&%#&^&@*#@) on earth is this kind of attitude? Aitelyu, I have just lost all my respect for VW and her friends as people (over this issue and also see the food issue below). And then on the other hand, there's XY's driver, SS. Do you know what SS said? (SS was standing next to me when VW said all the above.)

*patting me consolingly on the arm like I've been a small kid who's throwing a temper tantrum* "Aiyah, we would have gone to a nearby coffeeshop to wait if not for this girl. You're upset because you have to wait alone, izzit?"

Now you've really got my goat. So I am in the wrong for being punctual and being irritated with others who are late? This makes me really want to throw my shoes at their heads, except that today, I'm wearing my new shoes and it would be such a waste since they still wouldn't get the idea that being late is NOT socially acceptable. Duh.

So when VW heard SS' comment, VW said this.

"Next time why don't you just car pool with someone else? Saves you time and stress because you'll have to wait for others anyway. You know, my friends (the ones who arrived at 8.55am) were late because they car-pooled - some came from Klang, others from Tmn Desa so of course they will be late! And you can't expect them to be on time for an early morning appointment la. If it's a mid-morning or afternoon appointment then they might be on time. Anyway, it's not like we were rushing anywhere."

Wtf? (Sorry, I'm swearing again. It's bad, I know, but I can't help myself in the face of such... logic!) Sure, we may not have been in a hurry but it is still impolite to tell people to meet at 8.00am and then turn up 1 hour late! Might as well not put a time to meet or at least, suggest a later time if you think you won't be able to make it. I said as much to VW, who then said this...

"Aiyo, don't be so rigid la. Do you know I had a tough time with my friends because you were early? They all blamed me for not telling you that it's our practice to go yum cha first while waiting. So stressful you know? Some more I don't dare to answer your phone call..."

If I were sitting in a chair, I would have fallen off. So it's my fault that you're all stressed out and got blamed by your friends for their lateness? This is certainly something I've never heard of before! And then you can blatantly admit to me that you didn't dare to pick up my phone call because you were afraid of what I might say because you is late? I told VW outright then and there that I was sitting next to XY's Passenger - JP - when she took her call and not mine and VW looked a bit shamefaced. But still insisted:

"Next time don't be so early la. Just come later la! Save yourself all the trouble and then you won't get agitated."

I had heard enough at this point in time and bluntly said that thanks but no thanks, I didn't think there'll be a next time going out with VW and her friends. At which point in time, SS (who had been listening quietly) quickly piped up to me:

SS : "I'm definitely confirmed for our next outing on 03 May!"
Me : *shooting SS a look from the corner of my eye* "Are you sure you'll be on time and you'll call me if you're going to be late?"
SS : "Yeah, I'm not XY and besides, XY's not coming."
Me : "Huh."

And that's the lateness issue. Let me also rant about the food issue.

Out of the 12 people who went on Saturday, all of us are Chinese and there is one Malay. Naturally, you should not be so insensitive as to go to a non-halal place to eat even though the Malay is in the minority, right? We live in a multi-racial country after all. I am always looking out for the Malay because I don't like people who simply forget or ignore what others can or cannot do. This is what VW said to me.

"It was a good thing you went off for lunch with the Malay that day leh. My friends don't like Malay food and they won't eat it or go to a halal place when there's Chinese food around so the Malay would have had to sit and watch us eat or find her own food. Next time you all just split off from the rest of the group and find your own food la."

Just because you are in the majority you can ignore the minority? And it's not just a Chinese / Malay issue. Some Buddhists / Hindus don't eat beef so it is also very impolite to go and order beef dishes when you are dining with them. Come on la, it won't kill you to have to accomodate others for just one meal. But you should not ostracize people for their religious beliefs. I don't impose my dietary restrictions (mine's for health purposes) on others. Even though I can't eat certain foods, I won't say that you can't eat it in front of me. But for a Malay, the halal/non-halal issue can be quite sensitive. So it is very insensitive to me for us to go out in a group and basically go, you can't eat with us because you're a minority. And they didn't even phrase it kindly or tactfully!

I don't think I'm judging them harshly. In fact, I have tried my level best to put their words here verbatim and the incidents as they happened. I may be a bit emotionally moved right now, but my faculty of logic is not moved one iota.

Is the lateness concept acceptable to you?

We live in Malaysia, the country that invented the concept of "rubber time". Tell a Malaysian that a meeting / appointment / wedding will begin at xx:xx time and they will invariably show up after the stipulated time.

Today, I was supposed to meet up with a group of people (note that I use the term "group of people", they comprise of my colleagues, acquaintances and strangers) for an outdoors expedition. We were supposed to meet at 8.00am in Rawang town, a time and place set by our so-called "guide". Since I stay far away from Rawang, I make the extra effort to be on time and arrive at the appointed meeting point at 7.54am. (Yes, I am *that* precise.) Look around, no one's here yet. I call XY to see where they are. And this is what XY tells me :

XY : "Yeah, we're here already. In fact, I can see your car! We're finding a place to park."
Me : "Okay, see you in a bit then."

Okay, fine. I call VW to see where they are. This is what VW says to me :

VW : "Aiyo, why are you so punctual one? I'm just leaving my place, on the highway now. Should arrive in 15 minutes time. Why don't you take breakfast first while waiting?"
Me : "I've already taken my breakfast. Just waiting for you and the others to arrive."

Okay, it's still fine. I consider whether or not to call Z, but surmise that they should be coming anytime soon. How wrong was I!

20 minutes pass. It's now 8.15am. No sign of either XY's car or VW's car. I get concerned, so I call XY again. Maybe they're parked somewhere else where I can't see them. Or maybe they've gone off to have breakfast. The phone rings for nearly 6 rings before XY picks up. (Note: XY was not driving, someone else was. XY was a passenger in the car.)

Me : "XY, where are you guys? Did you get lost parking?"
XY : "Actually we're still on the way la. We should be reaching soon."

Wtf? (Sorry, I don't normally swear in real-life or on my blog but this was beyond me.) Why can't you tell me that you were on the way earlier? Why do you have to lie? I HATE LIARS. Period. Doesn't matter if it's big lie or little lie. A lie is a lie is a lie. Don't tell me it was a joke and try to laugh it off. (Which, by the way, XY did not say. Neither did he apologize. It was just a matter-of-fact thing to him, to tell an untruth without blinking.)

At this point of time, there are supposed to be 12 people for the outing, and none of them have arrived yet.

The time now is 8.19am. Finally a car I recognize. It's Z's car. Z comes over to say hi.

Z : "Eh, what happened to the rest? Where are they?"
Me : "Well, as you can see, they're all not here yet. XY and VW are on their way. I don't know about VW's friends."
Z : "Haiyoh, and I thought I was going to be late. Must really scold them..."
Me : *looks at Z* "It's definitely not 8.00am now. Then can I scold you first?"

Z is a bit embarassed now.

Z : "Actually hor, I was on time, but just that on the way here, on the highway, I needed to pangsai* so I had to stop!" *pangsai = sh*t

By this time, my reaction is like, whatever. Evidently these people have no sense of responsibility. Some minutes pass. The time now is 8.26am. XY's car arrives. The 3 of them inside are all laughing through the windows AT me as they park next to my car. Not a word of "Sorry we're late" or anything else. Bah. Right now, if it weren't for the outing that I so looked forward to, I couldn't give a damn about all of them. They could all go to perdition right there and I wouldn't blink an eye.

Me : "It's about time you guys got here. What happened to finding a parking space, huh?"
XY's Driver : "It's XY's idea la. He thought it would be funny to pull your leg."
Me : "Actually, I don't find it funny. To me, that's a lie."
XY's Driver : *laughs* "But he does it so well and convincingly!"
Me : "In fact, I hate liars. So please don't ever lie to me again." *with the firmest tone and grim face I can muster, leaving the unspoken consequences hanging in the air between us*
XY's Driver : *quickly adds* "Oh yes, I hate liars too!"

So the XY's Driver hates liars lying to her but it's okay for them to lie to someone else, right? Humbug. All this while, XY doesn't even come over to say a word to me but walks around the parking lot aimlessly.

XY's Passenger : "Hey, I just spoke to VW on the phone. They're lost, somewhere near... *names the landmark*"

I know where that landmark is, so I use my handphone to call VW's handphone. It rings to the end; VW does not pick up. XY's Passenger tries with her handphone, and VW immediately picks up the call. Wtf? Oh okay, I get it. You feel guilty that you're late so you won't answer my call. But you'll answer someone else's call, not knowing that that person is actually sitting next to me. Coward.

Finally, at 8.45am, VW's car arrives. Like XY, VW doesn't come anywhere within 4 ft of me (probably because I radiate disapproval like the sun's heat rays) until it's time to give out directions for the next leg of the journey. And then, this is what VW says:

VW : "Oh, we were delayed because of the rain!" (Like hello? What rain are you referring to? The barely there light drizzle?)
Me : "Mmmm."
VW : "Anyway, we shouldn't let this spoil the rest of the trip. We should enjoy it!"
Me : "Huh." *stifling the urge to roll my eyes*

It's not like they all don't know that the meeting time is 8.00am. We were all reminding each other about it the day before. In person and via emails. But yet, look at the times that they arrived! And all the *wonderful* excuses they made for themselves.

The best part? We sit around in the parking lot for another ten odd minutes waiting for the so-called "guide". Remember, the one who said we should meet at 8.00am? Yes, that one. Who only arrived close to 8.55am. A full 55 minutes late! Talk about extreme lateness. If it were a restaurant that was so slow in serving your meal, I'm sure you would have kicked up a hue and cry already by then. Because you expect more and because you're paying for it. Well, I expect more because I've more than paid for it with my time!

By the time we finally left on the next leg of our journey, it was 9.02am. And I had been waiting for over an hour because I was punctual. Really (@)Q(*#$&%*($&*(@#($!!!!!!

The delay incident was not the only thing that happened during the outing. There were other little incidents, words flippantly said and actions that spoke louder than words. All in all, today solidified the feelings I had in this post here and made up my mind. You know what? From today onwards, I'll never want to voluntarily organize anything else for this bunch of people. Association with them - as minimal as possible. (If not for the fact that right now they are the only group of people I can do activities with, I wouldn't even bother trying in the first place.) I don't think it's too much to ask for if I expect at least a modicum of reciprocation and effort on your part? And it is a matter of character that shows in how you approach these trivial matters.

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself today. I did, immensely. The outing itself was wonderful. Just that, the people I went with, are not.

p.s. There'll be two camps of people on this post. Those who think like me and those who think like XY, VW and the rest. I only ask one thing if you're going to comment. Please, be truthful about your two cents worth of opinion. Thank you.

Too tired to try

It's one of those days again.

Tired of...

The environment I'm in.
Dealing with people I dislike.
Having to settle for what I have.
Having to be upbeat all the time.
Having to babysit incompetent people.
Shouldering responsibilities that are not mine.
Not being able to tell someone how I truly feel.
Having to lower my standards and preferences to fit in.
Not having any intellectual stimulation in conversations.
Communicating with people who are as dense as brick walls.
Trying to fit in where I clearly stand out like a sore thumb.
Trying to find some commonality with people I have no affinity for.
People misconstruing my tiredness and non-communication for being in a bad mood.
Being ridiculed because of others' insecurity (so that they feel better about themselves).

All this tiredness is giving me a headache. Bah.

I miss my friends. The ones who know where I'm coming from. People I can really talk to. We share the same interests, likes and dislikes. Folks who are cut from the same cloth, from the same mold, etc etc etc. It's horribly lonely to be surrounded by people who are different from you.

On endless repeat

The latest editions to my favorite-st song list - the ones that are running on endless repeat on my laptop.

==========

I Wish I Knew by Mariah Carey

(Excuse the scantily clad Mariah, please. I couldn't find a better MTV version of this song.)

~ Favorite bit of lyrics ~
Honestly, I know it's silly of me
To want you so badly
But keep it concealed
See my inferiority complex kicks in
And the words escape me
And I'm paralyzed...

And how I wish you only knew
What I feel inside for you
You probably haven't got a clue
But I wish you knew
How I love you, baby


==========

So She Dances by Josh Groban


~ Favorite bit of lyrics ~
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

I can't keep on watching forever
And I'm givin' up this view just to tell her


==========

I love the lyrics and melody for both songs. Gives me the goosebumps (ala Paula Abdul) every time. Heh.

The weirdest thing is, I've had both these albums for ages but never really listened to them. And for these songs to pop up now, when they are probably most relevant, is so weird it isn't even funny anymore. Now excuse me while I go into emo mode...

Can you predict the future?

I actually have tag debts to repay but I'd better get this out before Election Day. ;o) rinnah's probably one and only politically inspired post. *cough* Beware. Fire and brimstone ahead! Read at your own peril! Lawl.

**********
Back to my title. I actually CAN'T predict the future, and I'm betting that neither can you. No one knows if the establishment will be sent back with the same / bigger / lesser majority or if the anti-establishment will manage to nick some prime seats away from the establishment. I'm not a socio-politico blogger, and I'll leave that to the experts.

But what I do wanna blog about is the sorry state of the average Malaysian young adult.

Much as it pains me to say it, I am horrendously shocked that the average young adult that I know (family, friends, colleagues) is not in the least interested about the upcoming election. Like hello? Did you know that you have a social responsibility to vote? It's a privilege to be able to vote and it's a privilege that people in other parts of the world fought and died to have. The American suffragettes marched and protested until women were given the right to vote. What about the blacks? And the African living under apartheid rule? All those people in the nations that keep on having military coups? And here you are, a pampered Malaysian young adult, throwing away such a precious thing because you aren't bothered.

I am sad to say that those I know are all part of this apathethic bunch. They're not voting on Saturday because they can't. They can't because they're not registered to vote. They didn't register to vote because they couldn't care less, because they couldn't be bothered to take a few minutes of their time and get registered at the Post Office. Sorry, but you're just plain lazy! But yet, some of them are the same people telling me, "Oh, you should cast your vote for so-and-so!" I will promptly turn around and tell them to their face, "Back off the subject, you have no right to speak out about the government and the election because you're not a registered voter." Don't come and tell me your two sen worth of opinion if you're not going to do anything about it. Don't be so high and mighty and talk about the government or opposition and bla bla bla on about corruption or benefits.

What's worst of all is how many of them tell me, "One vote doesn't count for much anyway. So why should I register?" Did you know if you added up all those worthless one votes you could turn a minority into a majority? It is precisely this sort of thinking that has mired Malaysia into a situation of no change! These are eligible young adults well into their mid and late twenties I am talking about. They are not youth just newly eligible to vote. These are folks who have already missed voting at the last election and will do so again on Saturday.

Then there are the others who don't even know the difference between the establishment and the anti-establishment. They prefer to be clueless about anything and everything remotely political, prefering to live life in a pleasant haze, trusting that whichever government is in power will take care of them. All I can say is good luck to them!

Just imagine, in twenty years' time, these very same people will be the middle-aged and senior citizens of Malaysia. And their children will follow in their footsteps. By then, I think you'd be lucky to get even a 10% voter turnout out of the whole population of Malaysia. Why? Because all would not be registered to vote - either out of choice or because they're underaged. Humph!

Okay. End of rant. rinnah is going to do her duty and vote on Saturday and hopefully, that will be the end of any political-type ranting on this blog.

A penny for your thoughts...

I said previously that I had something to ask my blogders about. Well, coming on the heels of my year in retrospect post, rinnah would like to ask:

~ Could you describe my blog in three words?

~ Longer posts (like what I've been posting in December) OR shorter posts?

~ An average of a post a day OR a longer post every other day or two?

~ Do you like the funny stuff OR the posts that make you think/feel?

~ More pictures / videos / uploads to keep things visual OR stick with the wordsmithing because that's what I do best?

~ Do you come back and read the comment replies?

~ If there was one suggestion you could make to improve this blog, what would it be?

~ Should I abandon Blogspot and just move over to my domain completely?

I've been thinking a bit about the above questions, but I just can't seem to make up my mind (or to be frank I need some agreement with what I've kinda decided?) without consulting those who matter - my readers! Don't be shy, let me know what you think (even silent / anonymous readers included!).

One Life. One Day. One Celebration.

A little something meaningful to think about on this Christmas day...

Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another obscure village. He worked in a carpenter shop until He was thirty, and then for three years He was an itinerant preacher. He never wrote a book. He never held an office.

He never owned a home. He never set foot inside a big city. He never traveled two hundred miles from the place where He was born. He had no credentials but Himself.

While still a young man, the tide of popular opinion turned against Him. His friends ran away. One of them denied Him. He was turned over to His enemies. He went through the mockery of a trial. He was nailed upon a cross between two thieves.

His executioners gambled for the only piece of property He had on earth while He was dying -- and that was His coat. When He was dead, He was taken down and laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend.

Nineteen wide centuries have come and gone and today He is the centerpiece of the human race and the leader of progress. I am far within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, and all the navies that ever were built, and all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned, put together have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as that One Solitary Life.

by James A. Francis

A reminder to myself that Christmas is not just about the festivities, the gatherings, the feastings and the presents. It is about the greatest celebration by many people about the greatest gift ever given.

A tumultous day... emotionally, physically, spiritually

If there ever was a day and time that I need the Lord with me, it's today.

It started out like any other day - I was knackered as usual from a late night when I woke to the news that my Dad wasn't feeling too well. He felt dizzy and off-balance with lesser sensation of being able to control his movements. No problem, I thought, I'd send him to the clinic before heading off to work (we suspected an inner ear infection).

Off to the clinic at 8.30am we went, where it was becoming a bit more evident that it wasn't just a balance problem because the limbs on his right side weren't responding very well and my Mum had to support him as he walked. The first thing the doctor did was to check his blood pressure which was sky-high - 210/113. We were advised to take Dad to a hospital for a further check and the doctor wrote a letter advising admission.

From the clinic to Hospital University Kebangsaan Malaysia (HUKM) we went, where we were told that they were not seeing anymore patients for the day (walk-in ones, that is). We were referred to the HUKM Premier Clinic in Bandar Tasik Selatan instead. I tried to call ahead to see if we could ensure someone looked at Dad but were told that we should just 'try our luck' to see if they were full or not. Plus we had to make sure we got there before 11.00am. (But that's a rant for another day.)

Another drive to the HUKM Premier Clinic, where we got 'administratively shuffled' from one counter to another just to get registered and to see the doctor. As we were waiting for our turn, Dad said his face felt a bit numb / tingling sensation. Not a good sign. (See MayoClinic's signs and symptoms of stroke.) That was where I called Chen (so sorry to have disturbed her in the middle of a lecture!) to ask if it was symptomatic of a stroke. We decided that it wasn't worth the wait, and left immediately.

The nearest private hospital in Cheras was Pantai Medical Centre so I drove there pronto. Dad was whisked into the emergency ward while I did all the registering stuff after which we waited for the doctor-on-duty to finish examining him. His blood pressure had gone even higher then - 230/141 - and the attending doctor said that it was the highest he'd ever seen. It was thought that it could possibly be signs of a minor stroke in progress, so they would conduct further tests - a CT scan of the brain for blood clots, an ECG test and a blood test. In between, my Mum and I were praying really hard and contacting all we knew for prayers as well. Our thanks to all who responded to our phonecalls, SMSes and messages. We really appreciate it.

When the tests were over, we were called back to the hospital to do the admission procedures and hear the results of the tests. Praise the Lord that Dad is alright - the CT scan was clear, the blood tests were fine, everything was alright except for the blood pressure which was still high. (It's come down to 170/98 now.) So he is warded for monitoring tonight and we'll see how things are tomorrow.

Thankfully we remained calm throughout and the grace of the Lord is sustaining all of us. Please keep us in prayer, ya?

Xpensive wishlists

I am thankful that I've never had to be in a position where I have to rely on the kindness of strangers for my existence. (Yes, my job is dependent on my boss, but at least it's assured from month to month. *grin*) But the kindness of strangers is the only thing keeping less fortunate children with roofs over their heads at children's homes, food on the table and clothes on their backs and enabling their caregivers to look after them. Luckily, the kindness of strangers is overflowing during Christmas time and most, if not all homes will find a corporate benefactor or two who will provide some much needed item or funding. As for the children, they'll get to make a wish or two for presents that are few and far in between the rest of the year.

Maybe it's because of the rarity of having presents, but I'm sure that the children are wishing for the sky since Christmas is a season of giving and also known as a season of miracles. Perhaps the sky might be a tad too far to reach? I don't want to sound like the Grinch here, but I was reading the wishlist of the children from a number of homes in UParkson at 1Utama over the weekend and was literally dumbfounded at the specifics of what they were requesting for. Among the rather more 'unique' and memorable items requested:

~ Disney's High School Musical CD / DVD
~ Football and football jersey
~ Make-up set and perfume
~ Billabong t-shirt and cap
~ MP3 player
~ Adidas sport shoes (size 4 & 5 respectively)

I'm not saying that they should be denied gifts and presents for Christmas and it is so much nicer to receive stuff that you want instead of something a total stranger picked out for you but I found the wishlist to be rather commercialized, high-end and pricey. What ever happened to the simple stuff like books, clothes and toys?

What say you? Or am I just being a Grinch? *grin*

This post started out as a draft on charity for The Giving Hands then evolved into a rant on commercialization for Just Being Malaysian and ended up being heavily edited for It's all about the spin...

I don't think you're ready for it

That was more or less the type of feeling I got from the people at the MBA fair I attended today. Exactly like any other student fair, just that they concentrate solely on MBAs and the like. Maybe it was my baby face, but I found that the school reps didn't really want to layan me. I could be standing in front of their table, looking all interested (I really was!) and reading their brochures and they couldn't even be bothered to even look my way. Maybe they had bigger fish to fry lor. The one or two reps I managed to talk to gave me polite variations of:

- This is a very challenging program (I don't think you can do it)
- It's a life-changing decision (You're probably going to get married and have kids in a year's time, so don't waste your time and ours)
- We set very high standards (You're probably not going to make the cut)
- You have to pay for a quality education (You can't afford it)

Funny how they never mentioned any of the above to other people enquiring about the same program (I listen la while waiting for them to be free to layan me) but said that to me. Granted, all the other people were in the ideal MBA candidate mould - male (majority Chinese I saw today), early thirties, holding a managerial post, money to burn on an MBA in the name of advancement.

It made me feel discriminated against for being female, younger, not rich enough and not qualified (managerial work experience wise) enough to even dream of furthering my education. :o(

Saving the world, one blogpost at a time

I was quite aghast when I read in my Bloglines feedreader today that Pelf was *this* close to selling her other domain - The Giving Hands - this week. Oh no!

I do understand Pelf's consideration that she can't devote as much time as she would like on the site but I have to say it again - I've never met another blogger as passionate about causes, be it environmental, charity, or just simply making the world a better place as Pelf. (And please don't be modest about it, m'dear!) Rather than let a site with such good intentions and potential just die a death of neglect, she was actually thinking of selling it off to someone who would be able to put in their time and energy into The Giving Hands.

Thankfully, another blogger has managed to persuade Pelf to give it another go but she needs our help and support. How to help? Read on below (copy 'n paste from Pelf's post)...

So right now, I am looking for guest bloggers who can commit one post per week to The Giving Hands. As a guest blogger, you may write about anything at all, pertaining to the environment, or charity, or health, or nature. Your posts can be in the form of a blog post, or poem, or an image with some description, or a list of tips, or a list of links. So you see, it is really very flexible.

If you can’t commit to one post per week, what about 2 posts per month? You could send me your write-ups, and I would publish them, with full credits back to you, of course.

However, as a guest blogger, you will not be paid a dime because I can’t afford to pay you. I wished I could, but I can’t. However, you could be proud to be doing something that your son/daughter would come across one day many years down the road, and they would be proud that their Mum/Dad championed for the environment/charity.

I've been meaning to put in a post or two towards The Giving Hands but somehow or other, I'd find my attention distracted and wind up doing other blogposts (like tags and rants. LOL!) for my other blogs. Nope, not any more! I do hope that I'll be able to contribute at least one or two posts a month to The Giving Hands, and I'm starting right now with this public commitment. (Dear readers, do feel free to terrorize remind me when I haven't posted there!) If you could spare the time, would you consider doing the same for Pelf? Even if you can't commit to a series of regular posts, I would love for you guys to spread the news on your blogs and let more people know about this really good site. It would be a shame to let all of Pelf's hard work go to naught.

So whatcha waitin' for? Let's go save the Cheerleader! Oops. I meant Save the World. Hehehe.

This is a community blogpost brought to you by rinnah (and nope, I'm not being paid a dime for it because Pelf doesn't know yet that I've written this! *grin*)

It's not just a game of PR

*sigh* In the wake of my recent PR cut-down, I've been forced to re-examine myself on the true motives of why I blog. PabloPabla wrote a very compelling post here about how he feels about blogging after the PR cuts and asks in another post here, why do you blog?

He invites all bloggers to answer three simple yet telling questions:

1. Why do you blog?
2. What do you hope to achieve by blogging?
3. How much time do you spend a day doing blogging related work (as described above)?

I figure that this is as good a time as any to look inwardly and really, truthfully lay it out in the open about my relationship with blogging, so here goes nothing! *takes a deep breath*

Why do you blog?
I started blogging because I kinda liked the thought of having an online diary of sorts. I've always kept diaries since I could scribble and blogging just seemed to be a natural extension of what I did back then. But then, blogging became more than just a diary thing. When you meet with wonderful people online who take their time to read your inane scribblings and leave a comment, a constructive one, an encouraging one or just simply a hello, how are you comment... it really makes your day. I began to blog as if thru their eyes, viewing each post critically with a thought as to how they might like my latest take on things. Then came the siren call of blogging for money. It seemed so incredibly easy at first, to be able to pop in a post here and there and see the USD start to roll in. I do hope that I've not alienated my readers by blogging for money, but I've always endeavoured to put a little something into even the most soulless sponsored post that would reveal a bit of how I think, the person I am. But along the way, I think I've been focusing too much on the money. *grin*

What do you hope to achieve by blogging?
I'd really like to make a name for myself in blogging. I don't hope to be as famous as John Chow or Darren Rowse for example, but I would love to be seen as a responsible blogger - like JD from Get Rich Slowly or Trent from The Simple Dollar. Leo Babauta from Zen Habits would be cool too. Closer to home, there is always the inspiration that is Pelf Nyok. These are people who (I think!) blog about what truly matters to them and they are darn good at it.

I still love to blog about anything and everything and no, I don't think I'll get tired of blogging all that quickly. I hope that by the time I quit blogging (if ever?) maybe the name rinnah will mean something to those who read me.

How much time do you spend a day doing blogging related work (as described above)?
Lots. I spend most nearly every single bit of free time I have with my computer. And the lure to check just one more blog is very, very tempting. I have to say that if you're asking about how much time I spend building up my blogs, the minimum time spent in a day would be on average about two (2) hours. And that's the barest minimum. If I'm not out and about during the weekends, I could verily spend my whole day with my broadband connection and my laptop. (I really should get a life, hor?) And yes, I know that I'm addicted. *grin*

So, PabloPabla, these are my honest answers. And thank you for making me think about why I blog. I shall revert to the basics of blogging - giving my best in ensuring that my readers get good content from my blogs.

**********
If any blogger out there reading this post would like to participate in this unofficial poll of sorts, please write a post on your blog answering the three questions above and submit it to PabloPabla's site here. Deadline for entries is on 30 November 2007.

It's gonna get painful next year

This should really go on my other blog, Just Being Malaysian, but I need a filler post right now so I stick it here la.

Did you read the news today? Prices of crude oil are spiralling up and up to a new high of nearly USD94. *gulp*

I don't want to think about next year when the promise of the government to NOT increase the prices of fuel expires. Many people are going to feel the pinch. Yow!

I must...

... remain calm even though I'm fuming mad.

... not let this issue get to me and bring me down.

... ignore spiteful and petty little people in the office.

... try NOT to see it as it is (which is making me mad) but to look at it differently.

... forgive those who trespass against me - so the Bible says.

... bring my issues to the One above.

... hold on to my sanity with the thought that it's not much longer to go now.

Insomnia

I have tags to do, sponsored posts to write and a hundred and one things to blog about. Time to get into the blogging groove again. But in the meantime, I really should be sleeping because it's Monday tomorrow, and that means work. Bah. Still, I'm up with my eyes wide open just because I can't sleep because of the hundred and one thoughts (all non-blogging related) crowding my mind. So what to do? Blog lah!

Mistimoo, got any tips for insomnia?

Blogging and me

Today's deep thinking post comes as a result of:

~ reading Paris' Beaverbanks' musings on the masks we wear in life
~ reading that Pink Elle's bro thinks of bloggers as "all those people who have no real names"
~ reading the writings of Mr. Blue* - who thinks that blogs and bloggers are full of pretense
(*name changed [ahahaha] to protect identity)

And I thought to myself. Do I, rinnah, fall into any of those categories? I commented on Paris' post that I don't count the masks I wear. Sure, I do wear masks. This one for work, this one with friends, this one with family (close), this one with family (extended), bla bla bla. But I don't think of it as wearing a mask. More like adopting different roles to suit the occasion. I cannot be fun, silly me at work. I need to be focused and serious. I can't be serious all the time with my friends, but neither can I 'manja' them like I can with family. Sure, it would be a whole lot easier if I didn't have to think about which role I'm in all the time (and sometimes I do get them muddled up) but it sure would be a lot harder to get along with everyone if I didn't adapt myself every now and then. There are times, however, when I just want to give it all up and tell the world - "This is me. Take it or leave it if you don't like it."

So just as playing a role(s) in real life, is who I am online another role? Yes, and no. I think of my online persona as an expansion / extension of who I am. I say things louder and express myself clearly in the blogosphere when I would just keep my thoughts to myself in real world. I don't airbrush myself to make myself look good, neither do I dumb myself down. This is the real me, what thoughts go on in my head. I put them all out, so there's nothing to hide. But yet, there are many times when I don't want someone from real life who knows me intruding into the blogosphere (unless by invitation!) so I use a pseudonym. Yet even then, my blogname is derived in short form from my real name. So, that is my reason for not having a real name.

Are then blogs fiction made up by people with no real name? How much of it can you believe and not be led astray by the persona that the other person projects onto his or her blog? Therein lies the question. And that is why Mr. Blue thinks that all blogs and bloggers are by no means any match for the real thing - e.g. getting to know the person in real life. (But what if they're wearing a mask when they meet? Aha.)

I beg to differ. For me, blogging is from the heart. And every word I blog is real. Not made up. Exaggerated at times, I'll admit that. But mostly all me. And I'd like to think that it's the same for you, you and you out there. I'm sure that you've made a connection with someone in the blogosphere that can be called more than acquaintance, closer to being called friendship, just that it's not sealed by a face to face meeting. Why else do we keep on coming back to those blogs and bloggers whom we know and love?

Mr. Blue doesn't know me or my blog, so he will never read this post and have the opportunity to respond. But what do my fellow bloggers think? Let me know in your comments.

One post for Burma

Thank God It's Friday!

What do I have to thank Him for?

~ I'm still alive
~ I have a family
~ I'm healthy
~ I'm better off than others
~ I have food to eat
~ I have a job
~ I have a car
~ There are people out there who love me
~ I can blog (LOL!)
~ Everything happens for a reason?

**********
Addendum:

~ For a successful (I think?) chat with future boss
~ For a wonderfully good Japanese lunch with future boss
~ To (hopefully!) a good working relationship with future boss

Rinnah is...

... feeling weary.
... feeling the walls close in and the bars slam shut.
... looking for a way out.
... wishing the end would come soon.
... hoping someone will rescue her out of this sorry situation.
... blaming she who cannot be named as the source of all her unhappiness.
... trying to keep her spirits up.
... hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
... feeling apprehensive at what tomorrow will bring.
... running from reality.