A Twist In The Tale

I got double-tagged by the Emperor and the Captain of the Imperial Guard to continue the epic saga of the blogbuster serial The 48 Concubines. Such a knotty problem to untangle as you see, the Emperor could not wait for his Captain and came up with a Chapter 8 of his own! Not to be outdone by his Emperor (or perhaps not liking the way the story went) the Captain came up with an alternative Chapter 8! So... two different Chapter 8s to follow-thru on. Which way shall I go? You wanna know? Read on...

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
*narrator's voiceover*

Previously on The 48 Concubines... When we last left the Imperial Court, we were stunned with a series of shocking revalations. First, the appearance of an Empress spinning her devious plots behind a curtain of secrecy, then the alleged pining love of Prince Moh for Concubine W and their affair, which turned out to be false as the Prince claimed his love to be for Vai Ling alone. In a sudden twist, Concubine W was then accused of having an affair with Siu Kiong, the Imperial Executioner who was supposed to be a eunuch...

The Imperial Executioner claimed that he was actually named Siu Pao and was NOT having an affair with Concubine W but instead that he was her long lost brother... and merely happened to resemble the Imperial Eunuch Siu Kiong 100%. In the midst of it all, as Concubine W revealed her secret crush on Entertainer Wang, Siu Kiong walked in.

Being increasingly displeased at this turn of events and at the laxity of his Captain in allowing such ongoings in the Imperial Palace under his nose, the Emperor turned his wrath upon the Captain the very next day. He was to be demoted to Shoeshine Boy and banished to the island of the HooLooHuaHuas when Concubine A intervened with a devious plot of her own. Instead of banishment... the punishment would be to make the Captain a Eunuch of the Imperial Palace!

*cast credits roll before fading to the opening scene*

A gasp ran through the Imperial Hall at the Emperor's decree. The Captain moaned and looked to be on the verge of fainting, and the Texan Consigliere looked aptly pained at the mention of the little imperial tool in sympathy for a fellow male. Ouch. The Captain would not be sitting down for days after the procedure...

"Emperor, you have imprisoned the Imperial Executioner on charges of deceiving the Emperor by concealing his relationship with Concubine W," one of the guards pointed out. Siu Pao had been imprisoned and Concubine W banished to her quarters for blatantly confessing to having eyes for another man (Entertainer Wang) instead of her Emperor alone.

The Emperor stopped short and frowned at this. "Hmm, that's true."

The Captain looked up hopefully at this turn of events; maybe he would be saved! He looked upon Concubine A with mournful eyes, trying to communicate with her silently. How could this angel break his heart? After all that he had secretly and silently done for her, his angel lover... She was perfect in his eyes, but this... act of betrayal - of suggesting to the Emperor to make him a eunuch... Maybe banishment to the island of HooLooHuaHuas wasn't that bad after all. And he would be able to stick to his vegetarian diet there, unlike at the Imperial Palace where everything was sinful, tempting, deliciously good food.

But the Captain's little flicker of hope went out in a puff of flame when the Emperor pointed at the Imperial Doctor. "You can do it, Imperial Doctor! It's just like an amputation after all. A minor surgical procedure. Go bring your tools! And on second thoughts, bring out the former Imperial Executioner Siu Pao too. Kill two birds with one stone... We shall have it out with once and for all..." The Imperial Doctor hurried away to do the Emperor's bidding.

Moments later, the guards dragged in not one, but two Siu Paos. No one could distinguish between them both, the resemblance was so startling save for their clothes. A murmur ran through the Imperial Court at this turn of events.

"Your Imperial Highness, when we went to get Siu Pao from his cell, we found your Imperial Eunuch Siu Kiong attempting to trade places with Siu Pao so that he could escape! We apprehended them both."

The Emperor was getting more and more displeased by the second. First an aborted eunuch procedere and now this. Did nobody respect the Imperial Throne anymore? Something drastic had to be done. And he had more pleasurable things to do than hand out punishments... like returning to the Turtle Pool with his concubines and inspecting blue blue teis or planning the evening's games before bedtime.

"Where is the Empress? Let her deal with this," he ordered.

Upon hearing this, there was a wail from amongst the concubines and the crowd parted as a disheveled but still beautiful Concubine W pushed her way through. She had run all the way to the Imperial Court from the concubines quarters upon hearing that her brother Siu Pao was to be punished.

"Emperor, I beg you, let me speak!"

*scene fades to black and the words T O B E C O N T I N U E D appear*
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

What could Concubine W want to say? And what would the Empress decree when she arrived? Would Concubine A succeed in her plot to keep the Captain around, albeit as a eunuch? Does the Captain still love Concubine A? Will the Imperial Doctor return and perform this minor surgical procedure? And what of Prince Moh, Vai Ling and Concubines M and C? Will they have a part to play in this? Who should continue with this tale? I think Concubine W should be given the chance to say her piece, so over to you...

(p.s. Can someone please inform Concubine W that she's been tagged? Thanks very much.)

Tropical island fare

L B wanted to know who this stowaway would like to be marooned on an island with for a year. The only catch is, there are only five others you can choose, and they all have to be bloggers. *pouts* There goes my dreams of being on an island with... let's say Colin Firth and Hugh Grant.

Other than the swift deflation of my initial daydreams, I have to say it sounds like fun! A secluded island, no one around other than this little community, sun, sand and sea... all we need is a little imagination to get it going. So, my round-up of bloggers goes like this:-

Gotta pick Simple American. Because he knows what to do to keep the bar-b-que going and probably will bring a stash of Coronas to accompany the bar-b-que. Not only that, he can teach us to play dice on the beach, and we can sit around telling all sorts of jokes.

Next up is Chen. Like L B said, we need a doctor around. Not only in the medical facility but also for bird watching, picture taking and bug kacau-ing. Sure to be plenty of birds, fish and bugs to keep her occupied when she is not doctoring our aches and pains. (Also, this is like buy one free one... pick Chen, get Ah Boy!!!)

I pick L B because he tagged me! Muahahaha. But this one also brings benefits one. I will ask him to bring the wi-fi setup so that we can surf and bum around on the Internet when we're not eating and playing on the island. Plus, we need more than one cook on the island... I see plenty of food related pics on his website... but dunno whether his cooking nice or not!

Since everyone raves about May's baking, I pick her! We will need supply of cakes, cookies and muffins to keep our mouths occupied besides potfuls of ABC soup. The only pity is that there isn't a place on the island to go shopping with her!

Hmm... I'm going to bend the rules a bit with my last pick. Since I have picked Chen and bonus Ah Boy, I'm going to pick Angie and get bonus Brad!!! Ekekekekeke! Since wherever Angie goes, Brad will be there, how could I separate this match made in heaven? So that balances up the star quotient on the island. Now we have people to watch and be watched.

This is starting to remind me a bit of the series L O S T. Let's see if we can match them up... There's a doctor, a hot couple, two rebels, the friendliest guy in town and the confused girl. Here are a number of choices for you to pick from:

Guys: Locke, Jack, Charlie, Sayid, Sawyer, Hurley, Jin, Michael, Walt, Bernard, Mr Eko
Gals: Kate, Claire, Sun, Rose, Ana Lucia, Libby
Others: ???

Let me know your answers in the comments! *wink*

Disclaimer: All purported similarities between the bloggers named above and the cast of Lost are all in the mind of the writer only. *runs away just in case kena piaked or pinched*

Pretty Princessy Nails!

I got a spa manicure yesterday. Absolutely FREE! Yes, it was such a good thing to happen to me. Thanks to my aunt, who gave me the voucher for the free manicure. Anyways, I had to use it before the end of March, so I called up last week and made an appointment for today. The nail salon is called Amante Beauty and it's located in Dataran Prima in a row of shophouses that's tucked away from the main road. It's a smallish shophouse that's quite cosy and the area is simply full of independent beauty salons, nail shops and hair salons. You'll find parking to be quite plentiful there and I don't think there's a need to pay parking on a Saturday / Sunday.

The spa manicure is something that Amante is promoting right now, and is from the 7 days to beautiful hands collection that promises softer, whiter, smoother and younger skin. I had completely no idea what the spa manicure would entail, having only had normal manicures before. Firstly, they slather a scrub onto your hands and all over your arms, even above the elbow. After they rub it in, they use a warm, damp cloth to rub it off together with the dead skin cells. Then they use a moisturiser to cover your hands and use cling wrap to seal it in, so you're essentially wrapped up like Phua Chu Kang's wife Rosie's slim wrap! Then you put your cling wrapped hands inside heating contraptions that look like astronaut gloves and leave you for between 5 - 10 minutes. When time's up, your hands are unwrapped and a green mask is put on your hands only (arms not included). While the mask dries, the manicurist will cut, file and shape your nails and remove the cuticles and excess skin around your nails. When the mask is dry it will be peeled off and a moisturiser will be applied with a short massage. After which the manicurist will apply a base coat, two coats of your preferred nail color and a top coat before you proceed to drying your nails and voila! you're done.

The spa manicure is conducted in the special manicure room in the back, equipped with four super-cool chairs that have little jacuzzi footbaths attached. The chairs are acutally massage chairs too, so you can enjoy the sensation of a massaging vibrator at your back while the manicurist works on your hands or feet. So relaxing! And the room is darkened, there's soft jazz music playing... I nearly drifted off to sleep there.

The photo above of my nails don't really do them justice as I asked for a matt nude varnish and the manicurist chose one that is almost the same color as my base nail shade. But if you see it in real life, it's natural looking yet so shiny and pretty! Kind of a did she or didn't she do her nails kind of look. Now all I need is a diamond to adorn my fingers...

Amante is running a promotion on both their normal manicures / pedicures as well as the spa treatments for first time customers. Their promotion rates are RM59 (normal manicure + pedicure) and RM117 (spa manicure + pedicure) instead of the usual charges of RM78 and RM180 respectively. I highly recommend the spa treatment as you can see the clear difference before and after. Fine lines on my hands virtually receded and my skin is softer and smoother than before. I don't really know about the whitening part of it as I am already rather fair to begin with, so I didn't see much change there.

Amante Beauty Care Sdn Bhd
C-G-5, Jalan PJU 1/45
Aman Suria Damansara

Tel : 03-7803 4664

Ridin' the rollercoaster

It's been a rollercoaster three weeks at the new job for me. Why did I use rollercoaster to describe it? Well, you know how rollercoaster rides are. Let me show you how I felt...

First you go to the amusement park. Then you try out a few rides. Then you spot the ROLLERCOASTER. Your eyes light up, you're so enthused about getting on it. You patiently join the long queue of people waiting to board the rollercoaster. You see the people getting off it. Some look like they've just had the best time of their lives, others look like they just saw what they last ate and didn't like that sight very much. You hear the screams of the people on board the rollercoaster and you start to feel tingly with excitement.

Then it's your turn. You climb into the waiting rollercoaster car, the operators tells you to fasten the seatbelt. They exchange knowing looks. Ah yes, yet another dumb person who doesn't know what he/she is getting into. You're still excited at this point of time and don't see the glances. Or you choose to ignore it.

Then slowly, the ride starts. It leaves the platform and loops around a gentle curve and you think, "No sweat! I'm gonna enjoy this.". Then it strains to climb the steep slope before the first downhill slide. You're bored, hanging over the side and looking forward to see what's next. But all you see is blue sky ahead of you and suddenly your tummy feels like it's just dropped out of your body. Whoah! As the first scream leaves your mouth, the ride plunges down down down and whips around another curve that slams you into the side of the car. You start to think, "Hey, it looked much tamer down below..." and then the ride starts to slow... You think, "Maybe it wasn't so bad, and maybe I shouldn't have screamed like a girl."

The ride slowly cranks up another hill, and the scenario repeats itself.

Yep, I'm alternately bored for ages and then stressed for short, short periods of time with a tummy aching drop and a scream trapped in my lungs (I am in the office after all, so primal screaming sessions are not allowed nor encouraged *wink*).

Thank goodness another week's over. My wobbly legs would like the weekend, thank you very much.

Ain't No Sunshine...

... when I'm bored...

... I feel empty
... I see the world in shades of gray
... this makes me depressed
... I am usually not happy
... I feel aimless because there's nothing to do
... I feel unproductive, leading to more unhappiness
... I will start to feel irritated / frustrated / upset
... but yet I have no inclination to start anything new
... I find it hard to motivate myself for lack of direction
... I usually don't last long wherever I'm at or whatever I'm doing

I have no idea what I'm doing here.

+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
Addendum: I received a totally unexpected phone call from a friend this evening. Someone whom I considered a very good friend, but drifted apart for reasons better left unsaid. For some strange reason, just hearing from this friend is enough to lift whatever gloomy spirits I have. Just like the sunlight breaking through the trees.

T is for Tag!

The Imperial Doctor™ needed to (tag someone) check out the credentials of the Imperial Press Spokesperson™ (aka the Imperial Spindoctor™. Wahahahaha!) to ensure that I know my proper A-B-Cs and am not a reporter stringing along for my big break. Wah... don't play play you know, background also must check one... for the safety of the Emperor, we must make sure that nothing scandalous is written about the inside life of the Imperial Palace™. (Besides that which has already been published in The 48 Concubines™ blog-serial , but I assure you, that is highly fictionalized. Nothing of the sort happened in the Imperial Palace™. Yes, nothing happened. I have no comment on anything else you may want to ask.)

Anyway, as I was saying, the background check involved some sort of (tag) test on my knowledge of A-B-Cs. Being a part of the Imperial Palace™, I answered the (tag) test based upon my insider knowledge. These are my answers in bold (ignore comments within brackets - it is pure speculation. Or maybe not). Chen, I pass the test boh???

A is for Apple™ (the Emperor's favorite food)
B is for Ben (aka Prince Moh, the Emperor's only son, who was rumored to be after Concubine W, but is now with Vai Ling, whoever that is)
C is for Concubine C (she of the 69 skills to keep the Emperor happy and trendsetter of bustiers and turbans as Imperial fashion)
D is for Dog (of which there are two - Master Liucas and Ah Boy)
E is for Empress (who remains as yet unknown and may be moving behind the scenes to create more drama)
F is for Fainting (which has yet to happen in The 48 Concubines™ but is likely to happen. There are so many women there!)
G is for Gold (namely the Imperial double bling-bling... I wonder if the Emperor ever takes it off?)
H is for Hairball (the mysteries of which I have yet to unravel. It promises to have the making of a bestseller.)
I is for Io Ka Chng (the specialty of Prince Moh, when he's not busy baking [or looking for Concubine W] being with Vai Ling)
J is for Jokes (belly aching jokes, good jokes, naughty jokes, dirty jokes, bawdy jokes, Aggie jokes... provided by Simple American, when he's not being the go-to man for the Emperor)
K is for Captain™ kyh (who may or may not be having a crush on Concubine A. That is highly debatable and highly scandalous and potentially defamatory, if not deadly... around here the slightest hint of suspicion could mean the appearance of the Imperial Executioner™!)
L is for L B (the Emperor of all he sees, with more than 48 concubines at his beck and call)
M is for Concubine M (who initiated the silk robe fashion with her blue blue tei creation)
N is for Neh (used by the Emperor to point at others. For more info on how to use this phrase, see Episode Seven)
O is for O (with multiple meanings. Like - Oh! Oooh! Oops! Ouch! as uttered from time to time by the characters)
P is for Potong Stim (which is how the Emperor reacted when his beloved concubines ganged up on him to deny him his favorite foods under the [hasutan - Malay word for instigated] instructions of the Imperial Doctor™)
Q is for Queue (seen everywhere, everytime a new episode of The 48 Concubines™ is published)
R is for Robe (see definition under S)
S is for Silk Robe (the current fashion of the Imperial Palace™, a must have for any concubine)
T is for Turban (favored headgear of the Emperor, but only when placed on head by Concubine C)
U is for U = General viewing (the rating that the media is giving The 48 Concubines™ in an effort to [dupe] draw in more readers. Please be informed that you will have to get your latest episodes from legal sources only. Uncle Ho has not been given license to reproduce the series.)
V is for Vanilla (the intoxicating scent used by Concubine M)
W is for Concubine W (who is seen in THAT scene from Episode Four and implicated in Episode Seven for having an affair(s). And for drooling over Entertainer Wang.)
X is for X-Rated (oops! You didn't hear that from me! But yes, certain episodes of The 48 Concubines™ are steamy and hawt!)
Y is for Yoga (of the flying sort as practised by the Empress. Helps her to think up devious plots and ignore the Emperor's indiscretions.)
Z is for Zzzz... (which is something that seldom happens in the Imperial Palace™)

Since this is such a confidential meme, I won't be (tagging anyone) forcing others to take the test. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some spin-doctoring to do. I hear there's a bush fire happening in the Imperial Palace™. Tsk tsk tsk!

Disclaimer: The persons and events named above are purely fictionalized and the reader is discouraged from attaching any notions and misconceptions to the article above. Violaters of this disclaimer will be locked up in chains awaiting a Royal Decree™ or Royal Pardon™. Don't say I didn't warn you!

My David Letterman moment

I got tagged by the blogging canine Ah Boy, who wants to know what I want / don't want for my birthday. It shouldn't be too hard, seeing as how I just passed my birthday 2 months back. I thought I'd present my tag to you, David Letterman style. A Top Ten list in order from last to first. So, here goes...

I W A N T :
10. To eat eat eat ice-cream birthday cake
9. To be on leave for my birthday (cannot work on that day... it's not good!)
8. To have all pictures taken of me on that day to turn out perfect
7. To shop-til-I-drop on my birthday and buy loads of goodies
6. Prezzies! (preferably from my wishlist, otherwise shopping vouchers will satisfy me equally)
5. One special wish to be granted to me as and when I wanna claim it. *wink*
4. To look back on the day with contentment
3. To celebrate my birthday with family, loved one and friends
2. To be healthy, wealthy and wiser for the coming year
1. To strike the lottery!!! (the bigger the better!)

I D O N ' T W A N T :
10. To put on weight from all the pigging out, esp. the ice cream cake
9. To see a pair of shoes / a dress I like / a bag I heart / etc and find out it's sold out
8. To receive prezzies that I don't want / can't use / already have (unless I heart it very much)

7. To be at work and hear or receive anything remotely work related
6. To see people who'll upset me - e.g. boss / yucky work colleagues / people whom I have a beef with / exes and their now significant others
5. To see the bill$ related to my birthday expenditure. Heh heh.

4. To be lectured that I'm now older / need to be matured / should be attached or married
3. To be one year older! (I wanna stay forever 21!!!)

2. To celebrate my birthday alone / without family, loved one and friends by my side
1. To miss a single moment of my life

Ta-dah! And there you have it, the Top Ten I Want and I Don't Want lists. Now who to tag? I shall tag a guy and a gal...

Representing the guys: Captain kyh!
Representing the gals: Jo